Dear Peanut

Dear Peanut,

Do you remember Pesky, the fly that always hangs around the house?  Yeah, I know he’s dead but there’s another fly that also started hanging around our house. He’s also a bit clingy and always hangs out wherever we are but not as annoying as Pesky.

Initially, I thought Pesky came back from the dead but looking at this new fly, it’s a bit smaller and less clingy. Thus, we have named him Pesky Jr. (PJR).

I also noticed there’s another fly that is hanging around the house. This one is like, fat, so I know it’s not Pesky Jr. But for reference, let’s call him Fatso. I think he’s PJR’s friend whom he invited to the house to hang out. They are alike the fly version of Bulk and Skull from the Power Rangers TV show.

I think Pesky Jr. is a teenager, you know why? Because we rarely see him around the house. It seems that he just comes home when he is tired, hungry, and out of money. Hey, it reminds me of myself.

I remember my teenage years and all the time that we have on our hands. I’m usually outside the house, going to my friend’s house, hanging out, playing video games, talking, and getting piss drunk. I have a friend whose house has a sari-sari store with all the booze and snacks that we can have. Therefore, his house became our headquarters, hehe. Though it had been ages since we went back there, I think our tab would already be a mile long or maybe we were banned because we did not pay the bill most of the time.

I’d also go out with my band friends and attend their gigs, go to their friends, meet new people, explore new places, and just having a blast.  These days, I don’t really get to go out much often. Well, I go out for work mainly and chores, but that’s about it. I’m also a bit lazy to go out now because I’m usually tired from the daily grind.

But you know what, that’s fine. I guess that’s what growing old is about. I guess you’ll also know what I’m talking about in due time. For now, you just hang out in your mother’s belly.

Regards,

Mahal kong Mani,

Kumusta ka na? Sana ikaw ay nasa mabuting kalagayan. Ngayon ay buwan ng Agosto kung kalian ipinagdiriwang natin ang Buwan ng Wika sa Pilipinas. Ito rin ang dahilan kung bakit nakikipagusap ako saiyo sa wikang Tagalog.

Ang wika ang isa sa mga pinakamahalagang aspeto ng isang kultura dahil isa ito sa mga bagay na nag papakita kung saan ka nangaling. Minsan nga sumagi sa aking isipan paano nga kaya ang mga tao, mula pagkabata ay madali nilang natutunan ang kanilang katutubong pananalita bagama’t ang isang bata ay hindi pa pumapasok sa eskuwelahan. 

Ayun sa aking mga nabasa, ito daw ay nagsisimula sa sinapupunan kung saan naririnig na daw ng isang bata ang mga boses ng kanyang ama at ina. Hindi ko man alam ang eksaktong sagot sa tanung na ito, ito pa rin ay kamangha-mangha para sa akin.

Ang ating pambansang wika ay Filipino o Tagalog dahil ito ang wika na naiintindihan ng nakararami. Marami pang ibang wika o dialekto na ginagamit katulad ng Bisaya, Ilocano, Kapampangan, at iba pa. Sa aking palagay, ang Tagalog ay nanggaling sa maraming hiram na salita mula sa mga Hapon, Instik, Kastila, at sa mga Indones at Malay na ating direktang ninuno ayun sa kasaysayan. 

Base sa aking pagtatrabaho sa bansang Malaysia, marami akong natutunan na salitang Bahasa. Nalaman ko na marami tayong ginagamit na parehong mga salita. Kung minsan, may kaunting kaibahan lang sa pagbaybay o pagbigkas.
Mani, gusto kong maintindihan mo ang kahalagan ng iyong wika dahil bukod pa sa aking mga nalathala kanina, ito ay isang importanteng parte ng iyong katauhan—tumira ka man sa ibang bansa ng mahabang panahon at matuto ka man ng iba pang banyagang wika.

Sabi nga ng ating pambasang bayani na si Gat. Jose Rizal, “Ang hindi magmahal sa sariling wika, daig pa ang hayop at malansang isda.”

Nagmamahal,
Supremong Tagapag-utos

Dear, Peanut

We went to your doctor today and we are at 30 weeks! Wow, time flies fast, eh?  I think the normal pregnancy is like around 40 weeks, so 10 weeks to go, yeah.

So the doctor ordered to have a checkup every 2 weeks from now on and I can hear our wallets crying already.

Moreover, we still don’t know a lot of things, but yeah we are working on it. We're going to attend some classes on pregnancy, breastfeeding, and all that shit to have an idea about having a child. So it's gonna a be very busy 10 weeks ahead of us.

The doctor gave us a couple of meds necessary for your development. You know, the usual shit, like calcium, iron, and folic acid. She said that, if based on the checkup and if you're not growing bigger, she would recommend amino acids. Then it hit me. The protein shakes I take have amino acids and I wondered if it is possible to make your mother take protein shakes.

I have very good and logical reasons for this.

First, she always feels hungry and keeps raiding our kitchen. Drinking protein shakes will allow her to feel full thus preventing her from eating everything in her path.

Second, of course, it's protein. So it’s good for you and your body will grow big and strong---such that your mother won’t need to exert too much effort in expelling you from her snatch as you can just basically crawl out of it since you're already jacked up from the get-go.

The doctor warned that some protein shakes might have testosterone and the effects could be potentially bad for you. She also mentioned some of the potential side effects such as having a mustache and getting a 6-inch dick when you are born.

Well, I think having a baby mustache and a 6-inch dick would be the shiznit! Though, I think, we would have a hard time fitting you in nappies. XD

So, no protein shakes for your mother then.

Regards,

Dear Peanut,

Okay, so we have been staying in our condo for quite some time.  Yeah, it’s nice, 3 pools, basketball court, and resort-like vibe. We live on the high-rise floor and our unit has a balcony where you can see the cityscape.

Amidst the all the great stuff that we have in our living quarters, we have had a bit of a problem. You see, there was this one annoying house fly that kept hanging around the house. I think it was about a week or two and it seemed that he never leaves as if he was paying rent. We have tried to get rid of him but after unsuccessful attempts, we have decided that we will take him in. We have named him Pesky The Fly.

Pesky flies around us most of the time and lands on our arms, legs, or whatever body part. We swat him away then he leaves only to come back and annoy us some more. One time, he landed on my face and I slapped myself trying to get rid of him. Your mother laughed and she said that it also happened to her. Stupid fly.



One evening, when we were about to sleep, I saw Pesky lounging around the bedroom. I got my trusty slipper and swatted him with lightning fast speed. Finally, Pesky fell. I saw his lifeless body at the back of the nightstand and decided to leave it there. I thought your mother would be glad that Pesky is gone but for some reason, she wasn’t very happy about me leaving Pesky’s body to decompose inside the house.

It’s actually not a bit deal but knowing your mother, she makes a big deal about small things, like a house fly.  Then she went on ranting about cleanliness and other unrelated stuff that her woman brain tells her to say. I can’t believe it she is seriously upset about a fucking house fly.

Then it dawned me, Pesky, with his dying breath has cursed me, made my wife upset just to troll me one last time. Damn you, Pesky, well played.

Wherever you are, I hope you have all the trash that you can eat, shit and hangout with all your house fly friends. I hope when you look down from fly heaven, you can see me from my balcony raising my middle finger to you. I’ll never forget you, Pesky, mostly because you owe me 3 weeks of rent, you freeloading shit bag.

Regards,

Dear Peanut,

So tonight, I was supposed to edit a manuscript for one of my #YAI2017 students. But your AuntieMarley sent me a message on Facebook and asked something about a project we worked on before.

And then boom, we started talking about baby stuff, like breastfeeding and breast pumps and seminars and all things I haven’t really studied yet.

I mean, I know I’m supposed to research on these things soon, and we, umm, sort of umm scheduled it later this month because, err, we keep delaying it because, um, it is just so overwhelming!!

I mean, it’s like algebra to me.

I know next to nothing about how these things work and SC is being a pain in the ass trolling me that he’ll do the breast pumping himself and shit and that I don’t need all these fancy-ass breast pump machines and I just end up getting all riled up and we’ll end up fighting because it is just too much-----we both don’t know anything about being new parents!!!

When you finally pop out, it will be like our baptism of fire. Nothing can really prepare you for the birth of your child, they say. Not even our own parents and now I’m worried because some of the things our parents (your grandparents) know about childcare are outdated already.

Like how am I supposed to know that there’s a proper way of latching onto a nipple?? I read about it in the baby book we bought in Manila but WTF, how do I do that in real life? It’s not like I can practice with SC!

And when I try to explain all the things I read and learn to SC he’ll just say, it’s natural babe, you don’t need this and that…argh!!!

Like just a few minutes ago, we were arguing about the Medela breast pump machine, he said, “Babies know that already. Kahit ako lumapit sa breast mo, magla-latch ako.”

So I screamed at him to stop trolling me and I felt you kick and punch and make a fuss inside my tummy. So instead of editing, I just logged onto YouTube and decided to play some classical music so we can bond.

Anyway, there’s a Mommy / Baby Clearance Sale this weekend in Ortigas so we’ll go there on Sunday. Tomorrow, we watch Indie Films first. And we told ourselves that starting this August, we’ll dedicate Saturdays attending new parents seminars and all those events we had no interest before.

This new parents thing is just so overwhelming, anak. I hope you understand that we are doing everything we can.

And oh, we have an ocular tomorrow for your badass sausage party-themed baby shower. We need to calm our tits because we are slowly transitioning into a stag/bachelorette party instead of the usual baby shower.

xoxo,
Update (as of March 29, 2018): Changed my codename from Queen Bitch (QB) to Tiger Mom (TM).

Dear, Peanut

Go, go, go, go go, go, go, shawty
It's your birthday
We gonna' party like it's yo birthday

Wohoo! It’s my birthday and we gonna party! Just kidding, I spent my birthday working from home and watched a movie with your mother in the evening. When you think about it, it was a pretty normal day except for people greeting you on the day that what you were shoved out of your mother’s vagina.

I turned off my Facebook birthday reminder, because I actually want to know who genuinely remembers my birthday and also I’m lazy replying to everyone who greets you on social media, hehe.

I did get a bit of surprise that day as your Uncle Bim, my best friend, sent me pizza. Aww yiz.  Well, he said it was supposed to be cake but we figure your mother might gobble everything up when I’m not in the house. I personally think that pizza > cake raised to the nth power.

I remember way back that when it comes to birthdays, it’s always a grand celebration. It’s always a party, lots of food, drinks, all your friends and family come over to celebrate and everybody is having a good time. Good time meaning everyone is drunk and mostly doing stupid things. I remember having parties at our house everyone would be pissed drunk and super hungover the next day. Those were the days, man.


Though time gets the best of everyone. So yeah like I said I just spent my birthday like a normal day but it was ok. I’m not really much into partying anymore. I guess that’s what’s growing old does to you, eh? Wow, this adulting thing really blows. XD

I turned 34 this year, I think. I stopped counting some years ago since I thought it doesn’t really matter. It’s just a number and should not be limited to what I can or cannot do. I still have things that I want to do and accomplish.

We all have limited time in this world and we should make the best of it.

Regards,