Dear Peanut,

Earlier today, your NinangJap asked me for some pep talk about motherhood.

Okay, first, we’ll start calling her this because she said so herself. The word ‘Jap’ actually is an inside joke about the ‘Japayuki’ thing. It became a source of amusement for your Ninang and me because I used to tell her stories about some of my relatives—whom I’ve graciously removed from my life—who prefer that some truths about their ‘former lives’ in Japan stay hidden, like the Yamashita Treasure.

FYI, you NinangJap is not our blood relative so she’s no the Japayuki I’m referring to in the intro above. I was referring to my ungrateful (ingrate) tita and in-denial-pa-din cousin who worked as entertainers in Japan during the late 80s, 90s, and early 2000s.

Okay, back to the pep talk. The request came at the perfect time because, at the half-a-year mark, there are a lot of realizations and milestones. So, what advice/learnings do I want to share? I’ll try to post these in batches because, boy, ang dami.

REALIZATION #1: The perfect time to have children is when you are financially capable.

Okay, that’s harsh but here’s the truth: The best time to have children is when you are financially ready.

I grew up hearing that the perfect time to have children is between the ages 24 and 27—not too young, and not too, err, ripe. So you can just imagine the panic of many women my age who were still single and without children when we celebrated our 27th birthday. I didn’t panic, well, not so much. If I did panic, that was probably stemming from the financial aspect of things—and not because I’m running out of fresh eggs.

Before you even decide to marry and/or have children, you really have to get your ducks in a row. But that doesn’t always mean you have to get your life in perfect order because you can’t. Order is an illusion, I think. There’s beauty in chaos. I mean, today, at 32 years old, I’m still whipping my ducks into a row—they like to venture out of formation but I make sure that each duck is nestling a golden egg. It means even though my ducks are all over the place, I make sure they make money for me, even passively.

Because the reality is that you can read all the books, attend all the classes, talk to all the pros, Lamaze the shit out of everything pregnancy-related, and worship all the successful exclusively breastfeeding moms out there and still, what you really need the moment you conceive is money. As cold as it may sound, you really need cold, hard cash.

If you don’t have money, how can you go to your prenatal checkups? How can you pay for all those expensive tests they ask you to make during the vital first trimester? How do you pay for all the vitamins you need, the books you want to read, the products you’ve been duped to buy, and prenatal exercises classes that you want to try?

During our first trimester, your Daddy’s HMO is quite limited so we chose to find a private hospital near our condo and a private practitioner. For every visit, we spent somewhere between MYR100 and MYR120 (PHP1,200.00 to PHP1,500.00), especially if there were tests that we needed to accomplish. We also inquired how much it would cost to bring help from the Philippines to Malaysia.

If we want to go through the formalities and shit, we need Php100,000.00 upfront and that doesn’t include the yaya’s salary, lounging, and food. Muntik na akong matae when we heard how much it cost to get help. So we computed how much it would cost to bring your grandparents to Malaysia and stay there for up to 4 months (by batch) and the costs are still too high, not to mention the production-related expenses that would happen if our printing operations would be put on hold because your LolaMommy would be out of duty.

That’s why we also decided to move back. Living abroad has its perks but the biggest support we need is here at home. You need to be with your own people. You need to be surrounded by people who love you—people that we also love.
Now, here comes the hospital expenses.

When your Daddy accepted a new job here in PH, we were so excited to know that his HMO is a good one that provides for his dependents. We figured, good, we’ll be able to use it for the delivery. But the timing wasn’t right. We learned that I would only be able to use my HMO card when he is regularized at work—four months after we moved back but I would have given birth by then.

It’s a blessing that your LolaMommy and Uncle soon-to-be Doc are connected with the medical community so we were able to find good doctors who are also affiliated with the same HMO.

When Dra.JMF found out that I couldn’t use my HMO card yet, she was so gracious to give us a discount for the checkups, which really helped because during the 3rd trimester, we were asked to undergo tests almost every month and then every two weeks, and finally every week.

And surprise, we had to have an emergency CS operation because my cervix won’t soften (basta ayaw bumaka kasi masyado tight daw yung muscles ko kaka-workout). You already pooped inside at you were probably eating your own shit already. I could only imagine now how your father looked when Dra.JMF explained it to him. The blood probably drained from his face, just kidding, we prepared for it as soon as we knew the possible due date. We also had to get a private room instead of a ward and had to book you a fancy tanning room for one night a NICU to treat physiological jaundice. And of course, there’s the breastfeeding challenge and our decision to mix feed and eventually decide to give formula full time.

At the half-a-year mark, we already finished the majority of the preliminary vaccines for you. Even though we have a family friend who owns a vaccine distribution company, we choose to get vaccines from your official pediatrician out of convenience, and convenience ain’t cheap. Then here’s the routine expenses in the form of diapers and formula milk. Every 14 days, we buy your formula milk and you drink milk like a construction worker eats rice. Ang laki na ng pata mo.

So you see, unless one is ready financially, delay pregnancy until you get your bank accounts ready. Now, if any of you tambays tell me that money is not a big deal and #justlove, sige, pakain mo love mo sa anak mo. Even if we know that our families are here, your father and I strive to always be independent. But we allow our family and friends, especially your grandparents, to shower you with love (and gifts, haha).

It’s shabby to talk about money, but when you’re planning a family, you have to talk to your partner about it. That’s part of adulting and soon-to-be parenting. Having a baby is expensive but every day, your Daddy and I see where our money goes---sa thigh part mo. You are our most precious investment.

There you have it, my very long two-cents. It doesn’t matter if you want to have a baby in your early or late whatever. As long as you’re financially capable, go for it. Otherwise, sabi nga sa commercial, “Wag ka matakot magtiwala sa Trust.”

XOXO,