Dear Peanut

Disclaimer [To the Blog Readers]

Published: 4.27.2017 (Petaling Jaya, Malaysia)
Updated: 8.19.2017 (Mandaluyong, MM, Philippines)
Updated: 3.29.2018 (Mandaluyong, MM, Philippines)

I wouldn't call this a "Mommy Blog". Heck, I don't even want to call myself a "Mommy Blogger". Not because I don't like the label (Come on, I'm an expecting mother and a blogger) but, this blog is not your usual goody-goody Mommy/Daddy blog that newly minted parents can check to see if they're doing it right.

Hell, I don't even know if I'm doing the "expecting mommy thing" right. All I know is that I'm writing the way I've always written---spontaneous, light, and funny. I wouldn't call this a "Mommy Blog" because of some of the R18 content and the profanity.

Don't go to this blog if you want product reviews, tips, and all that sort of thing. I don't do that. Okay, sometimes I do that because there are many brands I love. And there are some brands and businesses I really go out of my way to support. The sole purpose of this blog is to document our own experience about pregnancy and later, parenthood.

The Background

I grew up hearing stories from my Mom and Dad about their own experiences--both as expecting and newly minted parents. I have this photo of my Mom and me that I always post on Mother's Day because we look goooooood even though I'm about one year old and half-naked in the photo.

Mother and Daughter.

I figured, wouldn't it be nice if my kid/s can read a blog/book someday filled with stories and photos about this particular point in time? That'd be cool.

That's why we decided to create a special blog for this.

Sometimes, I don't even want to make this blog public. I thought of keeping it private but where's the fun in that? The stories we post here are funny, bordering on crazy sometimes. Might as well share it with those who want a light read, whether they know us or not.

So, enjoy the stories. <3

Update (as of March 29, 2018): I've decided to change my codename from Queen Bitch (QB) to Tiger Mom (TM). I feel like I'm no longer a QB. And knowing what I know now, a TM sounds more powerful (and scary, to help ward off stupid people). You can read all you want about the Tiger Moms of Singapore but I call myself that because I'm from UST. And we call ourselves Tigers or Thomasians. :)


XOXO,
 

Dear Peanut,

We had our second prenatal checkup less than two weeks after the first one. This time, we scheduled our checkup at 2:00 P.M. instead of the usual 3:00 P.M. and we had to wait a little because Dr.AZ was still out at lunch.

If we're living in the Philippines by the time you read this, it might sound a bit strange. Normally, working people break for lunch in PH at around 12:00 to 1:00 PM. But here in Malaysia (where I'm writing this now), it's normal for lunch to extend up to 2:00 P.M.

It's a bit lax here, laidback, which can be a good thing, lah. "Lah" is slang here, similar to "naman" in Tagalog. But as we have eventually realized, it's boring here. I'll tell you more about this in later entries.

So we had our checkup at around 2:30 P.M. already. But that's okay. We just made a mental note to schedule our checkups at 3:00 P.M. moving forward.

I don't look pregnant yet. I just look like I had a very hearty lunch.

As usual, I asked Dr.AZ a lot (and I do mean A LOT) of questions. I have this pink notebook where I write down all my questions, observations, maternity recipes, medicines, and milestones.

Dr.AZ answered all of my questions and put my mind at ease because, as SC put it, I get paranoid easily and to start with, I am a bit crazy, haha. I just want to be sure that I'm not doing anything that could harm you.

During our second ultrasound, we can see a bit of you already in the small black hole where you're supposed to be. You're still super duper tiny. And we can't make out the shape yet. But in my head, you're already very big and kicking and making such a fuss.

This is your second selfie photo at #6Weeks. See? There you are, peeking at us. You look like an edamame bean, hahaha.

Dr.AZ showed us a C-shaped ring and she said normally, when that's visible in the ultrasound, it means the baby is getting the right nutrients. We think it's the umbilical cord, we forgot to ask but that's where you're getting your food, so that must be it.

Dr.AZ said we can already hear your heartbeat at this point. She first showed us your beating heart on the screen and highlighted it with blue light. Your heart's beating (and blinking) so fast.

The doctor said a baby's heartbeat is really faster than that of an average adult, so you're doing fine. She tried to let us hear the heartbeat but the sound is too faint. However, she assured us that everything is okay, and "baby is okay," her favorite line.

We are always excited for our prenatal checkups because we know we'll get new photos of you.

From that point forward, it all felt surreal. I mean, come one, there's a little heart beating inside my tummy. There are two hearts inside my body! It's like Inception, pregnancy version.

It's just so magical and a bit weird knowing that my tummy is home to a little human. And not just the burgers, pizza, popcorn, jackfruit, salted egg squid, and all the other things I love eating way before you arrive. SC and I always joke that I have a food baby, but now, it's a human baby! Amazing, huh?

As usual, I asked SC if he feels like a Daddy already. Medyo lang daw. Ang kulit talaga ng tatay mo!


Love,

Dear Peanut,

Today, we told your Lolo Daddy (LD) and Lola Mommy (LMO) about you. :)

So naturally, they freaked out over the phone. We were supposed to call them last night but LMO was busy the whole day and they usually sleep early (oldies, hehe) so we decided to do it on a weekend.

Actually, when we first found out about you, we immediately thought about how we're going to announce our pregnancy on Facebook. (More on why we decided not to announce online too soon here).

Since we *sort of* enjoyed Suicide Squad and I'm still high on the Harley Quinn-inspired make-up your Auntie Sai did for me, we thought hey, why not create an artsy announcement using the Joker and Harley Quinn?

So SC bought LEGO versions of the two iconic DC characters and here's what we came up with:

Remember, we made you in Malaysia, haha. That's the iconic Petronas Towers, one of the most recognizable buildings in the world. We will bring you there when you're a bit older.

During the video call, we told LD and LMO that we have something to show them. And we showed them this. It took LMO a while to finally read the small text---about 30 seconds. It also took them about an entire minute to calm down from all the screaming and jumping around.

Then they simultaneously looked at the screen and we showed them your first selfie photo at 4 weeks before they fired strings of congratulations and "parental tips" at us.

LMO said she *sort of* felt that we did have big news to share the night before. I guess it's the invisible tie that forever bonds mother and child.

We also shared the news with your Auntie A and Unlce P through our family Facebook chat room and sent them these announcement images. They all said congratulations and with your Uncle P being a medicine student, he has a lot of questions and suggestions about how to take care of myself during the pregnancy. Lots of do's and don't's.

Dear Peanut,

After several sleepless nights (sleepless not because of pregnancy symptoms---I didn't have the usual morning sickness, I kept waiting but nada; sleepless because of anxiety, really), we did what every responsible, expecting couple would do: go on a first prenatal checkup. Yes, we took CTRL (control)!

As I write this (at 13 weeks!), we currently live in a nice suburb in Malaysia called Petaling Jaya. It's about 25 minutes away by car from Kuala Lumpur, the famous capital with the beautiful Petronas Towers. We live in a two-bedroom, two-bath condominium called PJ Centerstage.

It's beautiful here and it has been our home for nearly two years. It's spacious too, compared to the 24-sqm one-bedroom (but really more like a studio) condo unit SC and I rented in Mandaluyong, Metro Manila, Philippines.

Your grandparents, Lolo Daddy (LD) and Lola Mommy (LMO) and your aunties A and D and Uncle P visited us here already in Malaysia. Your Lola Mama (LMA) has yet to visit because she still has not renewed her passport.

Several of your other aunties, uncles, and future godparents also visited us in Malaysia in the past 2 years and some stayed in the second bedroom. This is why I've been very diligent in posting photos on Facebook, because someday, SC and I want to show them to you.

So, where were we? Oh yeah, so we took control. As you may already know by know, my stories tend to go one way and then another. By the time you read this blog, you're probably used to it (or annoyed). Anyway...

SC and TM at Columbia Hospital

The nearest private hospital here is Columbia Hospital PJ. We've been there once, in August 2016 when we had our annual physical checkup. They're as efficient as The Medical City (TMC) in Manila, Philippines. We had a great experience in Columbia Hospital PJ so we decided to check there first.

Unlike in the Philippines, where your LMO and Uncle P have a lot of strong connections in the medical field (As I write this, your Uncle P is still in his 3rd year in medical school---UP College of Medicine lang naman!), we don't know anyone here. So we searched the website and we decided to see a Malay female doctor who we'll call Dr.AZ.

The waiting area in front of Dr.AZ's office. Very clean, very bright, and very cold.

On March 3, 2017, we had our first prenatal checkup at 3:00 P.M.

It must be the pregnancy hormones but I felt like I had a huge grin on my face the whole time it was happening. When the nurse took my weight and height measurements and asked me for the first time, "Are you pregnant?" I sort of giggled, "Yes." And I don't giggle!!

When she asked me, "How far long are you?" I said, "Oh, we just found out last March 2 and I think we're two weeks pregnant." Yes, complete with the date!



The first time we met Dr.AZ, we immediately felt at ease with her. She's soft-spoken, helpful, and pretty too! The first thing she did was to confirm our pregnancy.

It was the first time I've had an ultrasound for the sole purpose of confirming a pregnancy and the entire experience was surreal. It felt like a scene in a movie wherein the expecting couple looks at the ultrasound screen and sees their baby moving, complete with a nice OST and tears of joy.

I felt exactly the same way, but we didn't see you yet. Dr.AZ showed us a small black hole in my tummy where you're supposed to be. Next to you was another small black hole.

Dr.AZ said it's a small tumor but it normally goes away as the pregnancy progresses, and it did go away eventually. That's how it was in reality, but in my head, my stomach is already as big as a watermelon and you're already kicking and doing Assassin's Creed-like parkour moves inside my tummy. Okay, I hallucinated a bit.

Dr.AZ said that we're already over a month pregnant. Hahaha, I felt stupid because I told the nurse that we were 2 weeks pregnant. And she was standing right there inside the office because she's Dr.AZ's assistant. She probably mouthed, "Hmph, amateurs," hahahaha.

I also felt guilty because just last week, SC, me, your Uncle Onin, and Uncle Rogel from Singapore partied in Bukit Bintang. I drank beer, vodka, and smoked shisha.

We called it our Latino Night because we also went samba dancing (or at least that's what it was supposed to be called) at some bar in Bukit Bintang until the Polis (Malaysian police) came and ruined the party vibe. Boo. We thought it was a random booze check but we weren't really sure because there were Polis all around the area.

That means we're already one month pregnant and I'm still samba dancing, drinking, and shisha-ing in full party mode. Cool, huh? Yes, the purpose of this blog is to prove to you that your parents are cool!

Back to the first prenatal checkup.

There were so many forms we needed to fill out! I remember asking the nurse what I should put in the "Mother's Name" part. I mean, I just wanted to make sure if it's supposed to be my Mother's Maiden Name (because you'll spend the rest of your life using your Mother's Maiden Name in many formal documents).

How was I supposed to know that I needed to put my name in there because the form is actually for you? SC laughed. I laughed. The nurse laughed. So that was the day I officially entered the Mother demographic and all these baby and mama brands in Malaysia started bombarding me with emailers.

I have officially entered the point of no return - the Mothers demographic.

But it has its perks! Dr.AZ gave us a pregnancy kit---okay, it's just a folder with some brochures and a small book about how to take care of babies but hey, free stuff! She also gave us some folic acid and some maternity milk (we started calling it Mama Milk) to take.

Your first appointment card.

So that's how your first prenatal checkup went.

A few years ago, I thought my maternal instincts wouldn't start kicking in until maybe I'm in my late 30s. Honestly, I thought I wouldn't want children. Heck, I once thought I didn't want marriage, especially the responsibilities that come with it.

It took me a really loooooong time to wrap my head around the married life part. I once thought I didn't want to be the "other half" of someone. I wanted to be my own whole self. To each his own, but I have learned that with the right person---someone who treats you as an equal---you will never feel like a "half."

And soon, you'll realize why I often call myself SC's strongest ally and secret weapon (release the KRAKEN)!

So yeah, it took me a long time to feel married. But I didn't expect that a single ultrasound would jumpstart my maternal engine into full gear. You know, like how you jump start a car when the batteries are dead. It felt that way somehow. Like the thought of having a developing human being inside my tummy revved my Mommy Engine into action.

This is your first selfie photo at 4 weeks. :)

As I write this, we're already 13 weeks pregnant. I don't feel like a mommy yet. They say a mother is born when the baby is born. We still have a long way to go. But since that day, during your first prenatal checkup, I felt that something changed. Like I said, I have officially entered the point of no return. Let's see if you drive me crazy when you finally arrive.

They say that the boobs get bigger when you get pregnant....

...SC completely agrees and approves, hahaha! Very excited mommy-to-be!

P.S. I asked SC if he felt the paternal strings tug when he saw the ultrasound. He said "not really." Argh, men! He said maybe when my tummy is big already or when I'm already in labor that he'll feel like a daddy already. I can't wait for that day.

Peanut, your father can be a pain in the ass sometimes.

xoxo,









Update (as of March 29, 2018): Changed my codename from Queen Bitch (QB) to Tiger Mom (TM).

Dear Peanut,

The first time we found out about you was after watching the movie Bridget Jones's Baby. By that time, we have been trying to conceive for over two months. And by try we mean having a really good time. You know, trying to time it when I'm at my most fertile and just having a really good time.

Okay, so by the time you read this, Peanut (more on why we call you Peanut later), you'll probably be in high school and you'll be, err, mature enough to understand what having a really good time means.

We're hoping that by that time, SC (SC stands for "Supreme Commander, your Daddy's preferred nickname) and I (QB, Queen Bitch, Mommy!) have already explained to you about the birds and the bees.

Update (as of March 29, 2018): I've decided to change my codename from Queen Bitch (QB) to Tiger Mom (TM). I feel like I'm no longer a QB. And knowing what I know now, a TM sounds more powerful (and scary, to help ward off stupid people). You can read all you want about the Tiger Moms of Singapore but I call myself that because I'm from UST. And we call ourselves Tigers or Thomasians. :)

We're also hoping that by that time, we have successfully equipped you with the knowledge, conscience, and information you need about safe sex.

Anyway, let's get back on track...

Jet and I have joined the healthy living bandwagon way before we relocated to Malaysia in mid-2015. But since we moved abroad, we've always tried to eat healthier food, exercise more, and quit the bad habits. SC really, really, really tried to quit smoking and moved to vaping. I hope by the time you read this, SC has completely stopped smoking cigarettes. At present, when he's stressed, he smokes one stick a day (compared to his then 3 or 4 sticks, that's a very, very big achievement).

But if you do end up smoking like him, I just want you to know that I will nag you every waking day of your life. And I will lay the guilt trip on you as soon as you wake up in the morning and before you sleep at night.

Yeah, I also tried the smoking thing when I was in my early 20s. I thought it looked cool and I even bought the expensive shit like menthol cigs but quit after a week because the fucking nicotine smell won't rub off my fingers even after several washes.

If I were you, I'd spent my money on really good wine or whisky, seriously. Better yet, save your allowance and go on vacation outside of the country.

Anyway, back to how we found out about you again...

So, as a recap, SC and I have been working out and eating healthy for almost two years and---after many talks, musings, planning--we decided that we were ready. But when we saw the two lines on the pregnancy test, oh boy, we weren't ready.

The first day of my last period before you were conceived was on January 24, 2017. I was expecting my February schedule around the end of the month. The expected but highly unwelcome pre-menstrual suspects (cramps, cramps, fucking cramps!) already did their toll on me but the guest of honor (the period), has yet to arrive.

I asked SC to buy some pregnancy test from the local drugstore. After watching Bridget Jones's Baby and lambasting the lead female character, we joked, what if we're pregnant already? We were supposed to have the preggy test the following Saturday or Sunday (March 4 or 5, 2017) but I got curious.

I peed on a stick and boom, 2 red lines. I was still sitting on the toilet when I called SC and showed him the stick with the 2 red lines and asked him to confirm because I might just be hallucinating.

I think we both went into silent shock---not because we didn't want to be pregnant yet but because we weren't expecting to conceive until maybe mid-summer?

Peanut, we made you in Malaysia. LOL.

And of course, we haven't done this before. So, I didn't know which emotion to let in first---shock, happiness, giddiness, fear, anxiety, denial (the good kind, or more like double guessing---like when a friend tells you you're pretty and you say, "Hindi naman..." and then you expect to hear, "Oo, kaya...you're pretty!" I tell you now if someone gives you a compliment, you just fucking accept it!

Anyway, that's sort of what happened and we kept looking and passing each other the peed-on stick for almost 15 minutes before I pulled up my pajamas, washed my hands, and turned off the TV because we simply paused the movie when the end credits started.

So, that's how we found out about you, Peanut. I remember not getting enough sleep that night because I was too scared to move or lay on my stomach for fear of squishing you. It's just surreal, you know.

Oh, and SC and I spent the entire 15 minutes laughing and staring and laughing and talking and nearly crying in the toilet while we looked at the first sign that you're already on the way---those two red lines on the peed-on stick.

It sort of reminded us of that time we had two sticks of wacky tobacky in Manila. On both occasions, we were wearing nothing but undies, clearly high (on both endorphins and the natural relaxing substance) and unsure whether we were hallucinating the whole thing or not.

P.S. Don't do drugs. Wacky tobacky is natural. Don't panic. It's organic.

Love,
Update (as of March 29, 2018): Changed my codename from Queen Bitch (QB) to Tiger Mom (TM).