Dear Peanut,

The first time we found out about you was after watching the movie Bridget Jones's Baby. By that time, we have been trying to conceive for over two months. And by try we mean having a really good time. You know, trying to time it when I'm at my most fertile and just having a really good time.

Okay, so by the time you read this, Peanut (more on why we call you Peanut later), you'll probably be in high school and you'll be, err, mature enough to understand what having a really good time means.

We're hoping that by that time, SC (SC stands for "Supreme Commander, your Daddy's preferred nickname) and I (QB, Queen Bitch, Mommy!) have already explained to you about the birds and the bees.

Update (as of March 29, 2018): I've decided to change my codename from Queen Bitch (QB) to Tiger Mom (TM). I feel like I'm no longer a QB. And knowing what I know now, a TM sounds more powerful (and scary, to help ward off stupid people). You can read all you want about the Tiger Moms of Singapore but I call myself that because I'm from UST. And we call ourselves Tigers or Thomasians. :)

We're also hoping that by that time, we have successfully equipped you with the knowledge, conscience, and information you need about safe sex.

Anyway, let's get back on track...

Jet and I have joined the healthy living bandwagon way before we relocated to Malaysia in mid-2015. But since we moved abroad, we've always tried to eat healthier food, exercise more, and quit the bad habits. SC really, really, really tried to quit smoking and moved to vaping. I hope by the time you read this, SC has completely stopped smoking cigarettes. At present, when he's stressed, he smokes one stick a day (compared to his then 3 or 4 sticks, that's a very, very big achievement).

But if you do end up smoking like him, I just want you to know that I will nag you every waking day of your life. And I will lay the guilt trip on you as soon as you wake up in the morning and before you sleep at night.

Yeah, I also tried the smoking thing when I was in my early 20s. I thought it looked cool and I even bought the expensive shit like menthol cigs but quit after a week because the fucking nicotine smell won't rub off my fingers even after several washes.

If I were you, I'd spent my money on really good wine or whisky, seriously. Better yet, save your allowance and go on vacation outside of the country.

Anyway, back to how we found out about you again...

So, as a recap, SC and I have been working out and eating healthy for almost two years and---after many talks, musings, planning--we decided that we were ready. But when we saw the two lines on the pregnancy test, oh boy, we weren't ready.

The first day of my last period before you were conceived was on January 24, 2017. I was expecting my February schedule around the end of the month. The expected but highly unwelcome pre-menstrual suspects (cramps, cramps, fucking cramps!) already did their toll on me but the guest of honor (the period), has yet to arrive.

I asked SC to buy some pregnancy test from the local drugstore. After watching Bridget Jones's Baby and lambasting the lead female character, we joked, what if we're pregnant already? We were supposed to have the preggy test the following Saturday or Sunday (March 4 or 5, 2017) but I got curious.

I peed on a stick and boom, 2 red lines. I was still sitting on the toilet when I called SC and showed him the stick with the 2 red lines and asked him to confirm because I might just be hallucinating.

I think we both went into silent shock---not because we didn't want to be pregnant yet but because we weren't expecting to conceive until maybe mid-summer?

Peanut, we made you in Malaysia. LOL.

And of course, we haven't done this before. So, I didn't know which emotion to let in first---shock, happiness, giddiness, fear, anxiety, denial (the good kind, or more like double guessing---like when a friend tells you you're pretty and you say, "Hindi naman..." and then you expect to hear, "Oo, kaya...you're pretty!" I tell you now if someone gives you a compliment, you just fucking accept it!

Anyway, that's sort of what happened and we kept looking and passing each other the peed-on stick for almost 15 minutes before I pulled up my pajamas, washed my hands, and turned off the TV because we simply paused the movie when the end credits started.

So, that's how we found out about you, Peanut. I remember not getting enough sleep that night because I was too scared to move or lay on my stomach for fear of squishing you. It's just surreal, you know.

Oh, and SC and I spent the entire 15 minutes laughing and staring and laughing and talking and nearly crying in the toilet while we looked at the first sign that you're already on the way---those two red lines on the peed-on stick.

It sort of reminded us of that time we had two sticks of wacky tobacky in Manila. On both occasions, we were wearing nothing but undies, clearly high (on both endorphins and the natural relaxing substance) and unsure whether we were hallucinating the whole thing or not.

P.S. Don't do drugs. Wacky tobacky is natural. Don't panic. It's organic.

Love,
Update (as of March 29, 2018): Changed my codename from Queen Bitch (QB) to Tiger Mom (TM).