Dear Pre-Mom Kath,

Two things.
First, you were great.
Second, I want to punch you in the face.

Okay, now, let me explain.

First, I think you were great. Some even said, you rocked! Maybe you were not as “wild” as others would define “wild” but boy, you’ve always had a liberal mind. Let me explain before some of my motherfucker relatives make me the subject of their reunion talks again. This has nothing to do with my sex life.

You were wild in the sense that you believed in dating equality. You never waited for guys to ask you out. You never asked for dates to foot the bill. You never asked them to carry your bag for you or pick up something for you–to the point that you deliberately snubbed James Reid who bent down to pick up the towel you accidentally dropped at the gym. True story.

Unlike some people you know, you never waited on a man or used one to get what you want. You didn't marry for money like some people you know. You went after your own goals. You believed that women can make the first move—which led you to meet your husband on Friendster by sending him a smiley and telling him that he looked cute in his profile photo. Malandi ka din, and you came on strong. But that’s exactly what you were looking for—a man who is strong enough to love and live with an unconventional, stubborn, go-getter Virgo woman. And you found him.

You were great that even if you worked for some shady companies during your early 20s, you also had the courage to show people—in many ways—that they're wasting away in that shithole in Cubao where you used to boss around beauty queens. You saw things for what it was—a dead-end job made glamorous with backstage passes and VIP tickets to concerts people don’t come to see.

People heard you. And they hated you for speaking some truths. You were brave enough to walk away, cut the ties, burn the dilapidated bridge along with the expired otaps, and even take some people with you because you don’t want to see them die a long, corporate death. You were labeled as a rebel and many other colorful words, you were sure.

You did a lot of things. You pursued the things you said you would do. You project managed your own church wedding for god’s sake. And when you got to that MNC you became something else entirely—a 2.0 version of corporate self you never thought existed only to leave it all behind to follow your husband abroad because you don’t believe in a long distance relationship.

And just when you thought you can’t have a career in Malaysia (where a dependent pass prevented you from working there), you struck gold through freelancing and lived the expat life you created for yourself. You traveled, you helped your family back home in many ways you can, and you wrote and published those 3 books before you gave birth to a wonderful, beautiful baby boy.

But you were also full of drama.
You were judgmental. And mean.

Now, even if you were able to justify all those drama and attitude in the past, remember that you’ve always had a choice. But still, you chose to be mean. And you still chose to hurt many people.

You chose to blow things out of proportion, to shred your husband’s polo shirts into pieces because the stupid laundry girl in his Upper East Side (Taytay, guys) ruined your favorite red blouse and then she lied about it. You wanted her head on a silver platter because she wouldn’t admit to ruining your favorite clothing item. You washed your own clothes after that, just to make a point. You were such a brat. Like Kris Aquino.

You were very selective with your circles. And looking back, there was nothing really wrong with that. Only that you weren’t selective enough—a lot of snakes slipped through the cracks. You had a list of people you wanted to punch in the face but never really had the courage to cut ties before because you wanted to keep tabs. You wanted to make sure they were miserable. You had a mental hate list and you didn’t know how much it has affected your judgment and your life. That’s why I want to punch you—my pre-mom self, in the face.

But then the most wonderful thing happened.

You became pregnant and you nurtured a human being in the span of 9 months. As you gained weight to support your growing belly, you knew how important it was to let go of things that weighed you down.

You had some time to mull it over, to think things through, and little by little, you did let go of some things and some people but it was only when your firstborn was about 3 months old that you made a huge life decision—to delete people from your social media and your life.

While you can’t really delete people in real life, you made that conscious decision to let go of hate, of your revenge plans, of your mental people-I-want-to-punch-in-the-face list. You finally realized that you didn't need to join the goddamn chismis fest because of this...


Okay, it's not because you are the best, the photo above is a reminder that you now choose to run with people like yourself. You're like that cheetah in the photo, you refuse to compete because you know you're not in the right race in the first place.

You are now doing what you've always told you would--talk about ideas and not people. Build on ideas, not gossip. And it’s not only because you’ve had had enough. It is more because you don’t have the time to think about the shallow things now, like literally.

Because you have a wonderful little human being who brings so much joy (and exhaustion, haha) to your life now. You learned how to focus your energy (both positive and negative) to the right things now. And while you know that you’re still the subject of gossip for some people, you—for the first time in your life—finally don’t care.

As a mother, you also have the best relationship with your own mother now. Because you are now in the phase of your life where you understand where she was coming far during those years you kept fighting over things you couldn’t wrap your stupid head around. Now, you also see more clearly the many sacrifices, individual and joint dreams your parents have for the business they started. You also see more clearly how hardworking and brilliant your brother and sister are and how truly kind, giving, supporting, and loving your husband is. You now laugh at how your husband needs pointers on the romance part (because you still project manage your date nights) but how he can also surprise the daylights out of you like that time he took you out for tea and scones at a swanky hotel in Makati.

To my dear mommy self, as you celebrated your first mother’s day, I just want to say that I love you more now and even if your head is still spinning because of all these MyPuhunan ideas, kudos to saying “No, thank you” to two big opportunities that dropped on your lap almost right after you made a decision to focus on the family business.

I know it wasn’t easy because it was for a team you’ve always considered the Dream Team but you also know what the priorities are now. Let me give you a pat on the back for the half-year milestone, for the new speed in which you thrive, and for expanding your circles far and wide, and building an even stronger network that will soon build your net worth.

To my new mommy self, I am excited about all the things you will soon do. I love you better than I did my pre-mom self.

xoxo,