Dear Peanut

Dear Peanut,

As you turned, officially, 6-week-old today, I want to share with you a photo of the medical team who did our stat CS operation last November 2, 2017.

When we were pregnant, we received A LOT of advice—both solicited and unsolicited. We listened to most of them but there were also some we dismissed almost immediately.

Back in Malaysia, I remember how I Google-d the shit out of everything the moment we found out about you. We didn’t know a thing. So we wanted to be prepared for our first prenatal checkup.

I remember how I would have a long list of questions for our first OB-GYN, Dra.AZ, and how she would often find my “praning” questions funny. She was very patient with me and we liked her. But I also felt that since she’s Malaysian and we’re Filipinos, there was this sense of “disconnection” because she couldn’t relate to the things we were concerned about—like if I could color my hair during my pregnancy.

So that led me to Google a lot, instead, and ask my “mommy friends.”

When we went back to Manila and met our Filipino OB-GYN for the first time, I was also prepared with a list of questions. Dra.JMF answered them all but I sensed that she saw through my “ka-praningan” and found my real problem. I research a lot that I often end up scaring myself to the point of stressing myself out. And you know what, she gave me one of the best advice we were given: Stop reading mommy blog and forums. If you have questions, ask your doctor.

As a writer, researching is part of what I do, and probably who I am. When Dra.JMF pointed out my problem, I realized that I was depriving myself of the joys of pregnancy because of my fears. Mommy blogs, forums, and many related websites tend to contradict one another that you can get stuck in the middle—paralyzed and more confused than ever. What you need to do is to find good doctors and trust them.

I’d like to dedicate this blog post to the amazing doctors who took care of us when we gave birth to you. It was such an amazing experience! :) And we will forever be grateful for the generosity they extended to us.

XOXO,

Update (as of March 29, 2018): Changed my codename from Queen Bitch (QB) to Tiger Mom (TM).

Update (as of March 29, 2018): Changed my codename from Queen Bitch (QB) to Tiger Mom (TM).

Dear Peanut,

This morning, I saw the first signs of stretchmarks on my lower belly.

I’m not overly conscious about stretchmarks because I already have some. I used to be a “big” kid. So when I lost the weight in high school, my skin showed the signs. But this morning, after a quick shower, I saw the first batch of pregnancy stretchmarks on both sides of my lower belly.

I felt three things.

First, a bit of sadness, but it was the good kind of sadness, because it means my body has officially passed the pre-pregnancy state. I mean, yeah, sure, since the point of conception and when you first started to “show,” we’ve already passed the pre-pregnancy body state but aside from my growing belly, I didn’t have those claw-like, reddish stretchmarks yet.

Second, I felt an overwhelming sense of joy because those pregnancy stretchmarks mean you’re growing nicely in there. Your kicks and punches have also started growing stronger that one time when SC placed his right cheek on my belly and you either sucker-punched or gave his face a fancy flying kick because he felt it, haha.

Third, I felt a great deal of pride because oh wow, my body is able to do all these things! It is just surreal, you know?

Some of my mommy friends tell me that those pregnancy stretchmarks will fade away after a few months, some years. But really, I’m not overly conscious or bothered about it.

I mean, it’s not like my entire career is anchored on my physical looks. I’m not a model or an actress. And even if there are some treatments you can get for those stretchmarks, I don’t think they’re super necessities at this point. I’d rather use the money to hike up some of our investments.

Anyway, that’s it for now.

I just finished breakfast and I need to work now because we have a lot of backlog for work due to the long weekend.

Oh, by the way, SC called while I was checking out my lower belly and I told him about it. I did some voodoo with the coconut oil we imported from Malaysia after the shower. I’ve read it can help to keep the skin moisturized, at least that’s what we can do to ease the itchiness a bit.

And besides, queens have battle scars. :)

xoxo,

Update (as of March 29, 2018): Changed my codename from Queen Bitch (QB) to Tiger Mom (TM).

Dear Peanut,

As I previously mentioned, coffee was the first to go when we first found out about you.

I remember there was one time I couldn't help it I sipped exactly 14 teaspoons of black coffee from SC's cup before he turned it into Kopi-O, which is a Malaysian brewed coffee with condensed milk. I was so scared that I measured it very carefully. It felt and tasted sooo great I probably had a coffee orgasm in the kitchen, hahahaha.

But later on, I read that drinking coffee is not that bad for pregnant women (unlike wine and smoking and drugs). It's actually okay to drink a little. Even some friends told us the same. So now, I get to drink small servings of Kopi-O every now and then. Just a little, so I can focus on work.

But there were other things--some used to be my favorite---that pregnancy kicked out of my system but hopefully not for good.

I used to love mushrooms. Sauteed mushrooms with soy sauce. I always cook it as a side dish. I also used to cook creamy mushroom pasta. But now, every time I smell or see mushrooms, I feel like vomiting. I cringe, literally.

I experience the same thing with onions. Sauteed red onions to be exact. I used to love mushroom + onions but now, I hate the combo so much we switched to white onions altogether.

During the first trimester, I couldn't cook. Not that I can't get out of bed and cook, I just don't want to. Before you, I would always search Tastemade and Buzzfeed for quick recipes for the whole week. SC likes variety in home cooked meals, so I make sure I have at least 2 to 3 ulam I cook from scratch every week.

But during the first trimester, I felt exhausted and tamad all the time. I put SC in charge of the kitchen, so that means we get to order takeout food most of the time, haha.

Now that we're in our second trimester, I feel the energy and the excitement for cooking come back. There was one week I cooked 4 ulam that we had so many leftovers we just kept heating them. Oh, and for the first time, I was able to cook pochero from scratch but without the saging na saba because they don't have it in Malaysia.

Let's see what else I can whip up in the kitchen this trimester. :)

Love,






Update (as of March 29, 2018): Changed my codename from Queen Bitch (QB) to Tiger Mom (TM).

Dear Peanut,

I also notice that despite not being able to exercise as intense as before (with all the kickboxing and weight lifting), I'm not really that big yet.

I mean, I imagine I would balloon like crazy by the time we're 4 months pregnant. But no, I still look like I just have a food baby instead of a real baby inside my tummy.

In fact, Dr. AZ said I actually lost a bit of weight during the 2nd prenatal checkup. Not really sure how that happened but it was probably because of the exhaustion.

When we first found out about you, the first thing we got rid of was coffee. Before, I drink 3 to 4 cups of brewed coffee a day. Some friends already told us before that coffee's not good for pregnancy, same with wine, beer, and anything alcoholic. So we got rid of that first.

Naturally, I felt very sleepy that I take naps every afternoon. I even sleep early, probably because of the lack of caffeine and I feel very tired all the time. Eventually, I read that during the first trimester pregnant women feel tired all the time because apart from the developing the fetus, they're also making the placenta.

But apart from the exhaustion and lower back pains, I don't feel any of the other *normal* pregnancy symptoms like vomiting, nausea, and morning sickness. You know, those things that you see in movies and TV shows all the time.

I felt some cramps, but slightly less painful that the normal premenstrual cramps I go through. Dr.AZ said this is normal during the first trimester. I keep listening to my body why I don't have the normal pregnancy symptoms, I guess I won the lottery.

When your AuntieAD was pregnant with your cousin Vianne, she said she looked like Bella in the Twilight movies when the character was pregnant. She felt sick all the time. She didn't like sunlight and she had a hard time eating so she actually lost so much weight. Her skin turned a bit gray.

I've heard some friends go through many unpleasant pregnancy symptoms so when we found about you, we're always on the lookout for vomiting and morning sickness episodes, but nah.

We're already at #15weeks now and nothing. I hope we feel this way all the way to your full term. :)

Love,





Update (as of March 29, 2018): Changed my codename from Queen Bitch (QB) to Tiger Mom (TM).

Dear Peanut,

Early in May 2017, SC and I bought 6 months' worth of post-natal lotions and creams for me. We came across this warehouse sale of a big healthcare store here in Malaysia. They do one at least twice a year.

When we saw how cheap they were selling the Palmer's Post Natal Firming Lotion at the event, we immediately grabbed what we can! We could have bought more but we had to take into consideration the expiration dates. If these items are not on sale, they go up as high as MYR30 each. We bought a 2-bottle pack for only MYR10. I mean, wow! I wanted to buy out all the stocks and sell them in Manila at MYR30 each, hahaha.

Since we found out that you're on the way, I've been very diligent with skincare, especially in moisturizing. I read that there's really no sure way to prevent stretch marks but some friends recommended applying pure coconut oil every night. I searched about it online and many say it helps, maybe not to totally prevent stretch marks but at least minimize how they look and help recover faster.

SC and I found a brand that works well for me.


For its size, it's not that expensive. I use this every night. Sometimes, when I'm lazy, I just double up my usual moisturizer, Nivea Intensive Moisture body milk. Also because the smell of the coconut oil is quite powerful.

But I'm glad it doesn't make me feel like vomiting (like how mushrooms and onion are now, more on that later), but I do smell like biko na may latik every time I use it. SC doesn't hate it, but it's not his favorite smell on me either.

Again, this blog is not meant to review any products. Nope, but I still want to share with you some of the things I add to my routine to prepare for you and take care of me. :)

Love,

Update (as of March 29, 2018): Changed my codename from Queen Bitch (QB) to Tiger Mom (TM).

Crayon Shin-chan is a popular anime show shown on TV when we were younger. You and SC should do this when you're a older, yeah?

That's not your face. the perfect circle on the left side of what looks like your face is actually your stomach. I actually can't imagine it but since you're only as big as an apple now, it makes sense.

This scan shows the size of your head.

Don't panic, you don't look like this.

Dear Peanut,

On April 20, 2017, we had our third prenatal checkup at Columbia Hospital PJ with Dr.AZ. And today, we heard---for the very first time---your heartbeat!

I read once that a baby's heartbeat sounds like galloping horses. But SC said it sounded more like a hovering helicopter. So we called it your Helicopter Heartbeat.

The whole experience felt sooooooooo amazing, that I even cried a bit because I felt so happy. Even SC felt the paternal strings tug a bit when he first heard your heart beating.

We also saw it on the screen (blue lights flickering fast). We tried to record it on SC's phone but when we played it back, it's too faint to hear. But when it was happening in real time, your Helicopter Heartbeat was so loud it filled the entire room.

We also saw your baby shape for the first time today. At #11Weeks, you were past your Alien Phase (you know, you looked like an alien during the first trimester---at least that's how it's shown in many online references). And based on the ultrasound, you're already filling up the small black hole that's your home inside my body.

During our third prenatal checkup, SC and I decided to take the First Trimester Screening test. I've read a great deal about this and even asked a fellow Filipina expat mom we met in Kuala Lumpur.

It's combined ultrasound and blood test. The goal is to see if you have high or low risk of developing chromosomal abnormalities, including Down Syndrome. It's a screening test, not diagnostic, which means it only shows us a range.

If the results show you're at high risk, we can decide to get the diagnostic test but this later test is invasive, which means they'll get a blood sample from you and it comes with a slight risk of miscarriage. And I don't want that.

Dr.AZ explained to me that the screening test is non-invasive and they'll just get my blood for testing. During the first phase of the screening test, Dr.AZ took a longer time with the ultrasound. She made a lot of measurements and at one point, you even turned around. "Baby is turning," she said. You probably got annoyed with all the extra poking in your home.

But we saw you move! It was so amazing!

Your third selfie photo at #11Weeks. You are so much visible now! :)

After the checkup, we were told to go the laboratory for my blood test. The doctor also gave me new medicine to take, a calcium supplement and some multivitamins. By this time, we already finished your folic acid supplements.

Dr.AZ gave me calcium supplements too because I told her I don't like the taste of maternity milk. Well, even before I really don't like powdered milk. Maternity milk just tastes so sweet and even if I dilute it, it makes me wince. Not that I would puke it all out but the smell is enough to make me forget that I actually need it.

This is why I drink it every other day, once a day. When Dr.AZ told me I was supposed to drink 2 to 3 glasses every day, I immediately felt guilty. I got extremely worried that I wasn't doing you good so I immediately asked for calcium supplements. Your AuntieAD also took calcium supplements because she hates milk and she told me it's okay.

Honestly, I wanted to use the maternity milk to make polvoron but SC stopped me.

So that's what happened during your 3rd prenatal checkup. This is when we realized that you look like peanut. So we started calling you Peanut instead of baby, hehe.

We showed LMO and LD your third selfie photo and LMO couldn't see the "peanut" shape in the ultrasound photo. She told us you look like an owl. Where the fuck did that come from? hahaha. So, we sent her this:


See? There you are, anak. :)

Love,











Update (as of March 29, 2018): Changed my codename from Queen Bitch (QB) to Tiger Mom (TM).

Dear Peanut,

Today was the first day that we took you swimming. :)

Well, you're actually already swimming inside my tummy but today, SC and I went back to PJ Palms Sports Centre for an early morning swim.

As you know, I have to give up kickboxing and weightlifting at the gym for a while. At this point, I'm supposed to be in my 2nd year of gym membership and I had initially planned on getting regular kickboxing sessions again. I planned on going beast mode again.

But my Malay coach told me (as well as Dr.AZ) that I can't do contact sports while pregnant. As for weightlifting, I can use light weights, but where's the challenge in that? I'm used to lifting 15 to 20-pound barbells. I feel like I won't be able to maximize the expensive gym membership if I use light, sissy weights like 5 pounds.

So we've decided to freeze the gym membership for now and try less strenuous workouts like swimming. I've yet to try prenatal yoga at this point but we already inquired at The Yoga House, a small yoga place near our home in Malaysia.

I used to not like swimming. I didn't really hate it, but it's not one of my favorite things to do. I mean, if I'm going to work out, I want to sweat. So I took up kickboxing years ago. But since I'm having lower and upper back pains, I might as well give swimming a chance. And you know what? I ended up loving it!

This is PJ Palms Sports Centre. The entrance fee is RM10 (PHP114.50) each.

Perhaps it's the preggy hormones or the fact that we time our swimming activity mid-morning, usually on a Friday. But I really, really love swimming now. We've been to PJ Palms Sports Centre before, on a Saturday, but I didn't join SC in the pool because there were so many people then. I ended up eating fries and waffles at the in-house A&W restaurant for 1 hour.

But since that Friday swim, we've been going to the sports center every Friday morning now to workout for at least 1.5 hours. I really, really love swimming now that I drag SC every Friday morning to go to the sports center. I have poor eyesight and it's hard for me to see underwater, but we found a pair of goggles with a grade. That's one of the reasons why I love swimming now.

Early morning swim at PJ Palms Sports Centre. First time for you and me at #11Weeks.

I just look bloated, right? #11Weeks

And maybe it's due to the lack of pussy posers swimmers (I have a very bad mouth sometimes, but hey, you should be used to it by the time you read this) that make me want to go there every day. Sometimes, the pool would be a bit crowded, like 10 swimmers, but they're swimmers. They're not the kind who go to the pool to take Instagram photos.

When we were in the Mandaluyong condo, I used to detest going to the pools after 9:00 AM because the pools would be filled with pussy posers. At PJ Palms Sports Centre, I am determined to do laps because everyone else is doing it. If I don't, I'd end up being the pussy swimmer.

And keme if you wear Speedos. Every now and then, we see some locals wearing nothing but a pair of bikini-style Speedos. I can be so judgmental sometimes but I figured, they can wear that because they swim.

Unfortunately, I have seen many pussy posers who have no business wearing Speedos. And thank God, nobody wears t-shirts in the pool! If you do, the local lifeguard will kick you out. SC and I wear proper swimwear.

No pussy poser swimmers here. That's the goofy female swimming instructor teaching a local how to swim properly. They also have scuba diving lessons here. Too bad I can't do that while I'm pregnant with you.

And I just want to document it here, SC looks really good even underwater with goggles on. The other side of the pool is very deep because they use it for scuba diving classes. But we always do laps from the shallow end to the deep end and back.

I always stay at the shallow end but sometimes I meet SC halfway and we stay underwater and just make funny faces, hahaha. Sometimes, we do the merman/mermaid swim and pretend we're in an old-school bomba film, hahaha.

Under the water, it's always weirder. I hope by the time you read this, we already explained to you what bomba films are.

SC is so handsome right? Like Disney's Alladin!

Your daddy is just so manly. I still get kilig and goosebumps every now and then. At this point, we still don't know if you're a boy or a girl. If you're a baby boy, I hope you really get his facial features---eyes, eyebrows, nose, lips, even the hair, haha. And if you're a baby girl, I hope you get some of his good genes too. From me, I hope you develop my mad kilay skills because #kilayislife. And maybe the boobs, hahaha, and of course, my love for words, wit, and creativity.

Anyway, I always feel amazing right after. I feel lighter and less cranky. I always enjoy the early lunch we have at Makan Channel, where they serve the best salted egg squid with rice!

Can't wait for our Friday Swim Habit. <3

Love,

Dear Peanut,

We had our second prenatal checkup less than two weeks after the first one. This time, we scheduled our checkup at 2:00 P.M. instead of the usual 3:00 P.M. and we had to wait a little because Dr.AZ was still out at lunch.

If we're living in the Philippines by the time you read this, it might sound a bit strange. Normally, working people break for lunch in PH at around 12:00 to 1:00 PM. But here in Malaysia (where I'm writing this now), it's normal for lunch to extend up to 2:00 P.M.

It's a bit lax here, laidback, which can be a good thing, lah. "Lah" is slang here, similar to "naman" in Tagalog. But as we have eventually realized, it's boring here. I'll tell you more about this in later entries.

So we had our checkup at around 2:30 P.M. already. But that's okay. We just made a mental note to schedule our checkups at 3:00 P.M. moving forward.

I don't look pregnant yet. I just look like I had a very hearty lunch.

As usual, I asked Dr.AZ a lot (and I do mean A LOT) of questions. I have this pink notebook where I write down all my questions, observations, maternity recipes, medicines, and milestones.

Dr.AZ answered all of my questions and put my mind at ease because, as SC put it, I get paranoid easily and to start with, I am a bit crazy, haha. I just want to be sure that I'm not doing anything that could harm you.

During our second ultrasound, we can see a bit of you already in the small black hole where you're supposed to be. You're still super duper tiny. And we can't make out the shape yet. But in my head, you're already very big and kicking and making such a fuss.

This is your second selfie photo at #6Weeks. See? There you are, peeking at us. You look like an edamame bean, hahaha.

Dr.AZ showed us a C-shaped ring and she said normally, when that's visible in the ultrasound, it means the baby is getting the right nutrients. We think it's the umbilical cord, we forgot to ask but that's where you're getting your food, so that must be it.

Dr.AZ said we can already hear your heartbeat at this point. She first showed us your beating heart on the screen and highlighted it with blue light. Your heart's beating (and blinking) so fast.

The doctor said a baby's heartbeat is really faster than that of an average adult, so you're doing fine. She tried to let us hear the heartbeat but the sound is too faint. However, she assured us that everything is okay, and "baby is okay," her favorite line.

We are always excited for our prenatal checkups because we know we'll get new photos of you.

From that point forward, it all felt surreal. I mean, come one, there's a little heart beating inside my tummy. There are two hearts inside my body! It's like Inception, pregnancy version.

It's just so magical and a bit weird knowing that my tummy is home to a little human. And not just the burgers, pizza, popcorn, jackfruit, salted egg squid, and all the other things I love eating way before you arrive. SC and I always joke that I have a food baby, but now, it's a human baby! Amazing, huh?

As usual, I asked SC if he feels like a Daddy already. Medyo lang daw. Ang kulit talaga ng tatay mo!


Love,

Dear Peanut,

After several sleepless nights (sleepless not because of pregnancy symptoms---I didn't have the usual morning sickness, I kept waiting but nada; sleepless because of anxiety, really), we did what every responsible, expecting couple would do: go on a first prenatal checkup. Yes, we took CTRL (control)!

As I write this (at 13 weeks!), we currently live in a nice suburb in Malaysia called Petaling Jaya. It's about 25 minutes away by car from Kuala Lumpur, the famous capital with the beautiful Petronas Towers. We live in a two-bedroom, two-bath condominium called PJ Centerstage.

It's beautiful here and it has been our home for nearly two years. It's spacious too, compared to the 24-sqm one-bedroom (but really more like a studio) condo unit SC and I rented in Mandaluyong, Metro Manila, Philippines.

Your grandparents, Lolo Daddy (LD) and Lola Mommy (LMO) and your aunties A and D and Uncle P visited us here already in Malaysia. Your Lola Mama (LMA) has yet to visit because she still has not renewed her passport.

Several of your other aunties, uncles, and future godparents also visited us in Malaysia in the past 2 years and some stayed in the second bedroom. This is why I've been very diligent in posting photos on Facebook, because someday, SC and I want to show them to you.

So, where were we? Oh yeah, so we took control. As you may already know by know, my stories tend to go one way and then another. By the time you read this blog, you're probably used to it (or annoyed). Anyway...

SC and TM at Columbia Hospital

The nearest private hospital here is Columbia Hospital PJ. We've been there once, in August 2016 when we had our annual physical checkup. They're as efficient as The Medical City (TMC) in Manila, Philippines. We had a great experience in Columbia Hospital PJ so we decided to check there first.

Unlike in the Philippines, where your LMO and Uncle P have a lot of strong connections in the medical field (As I write this, your Uncle P is still in his 3rd year in medical school---UP College of Medicine lang naman!), we don't know anyone here. So we searched the website and we decided to see a Malay female doctor who we'll call Dr.AZ.

The waiting area in front of Dr.AZ's office. Very clean, very bright, and very cold.

On March 3, 2017, we had our first prenatal checkup at 3:00 P.M.

It must be the pregnancy hormones but I felt like I had a huge grin on my face the whole time it was happening. When the nurse took my weight and height measurements and asked me for the first time, "Are you pregnant?" I sort of giggled, "Yes." And I don't giggle!!

When she asked me, "How far long are you?" I said, "Oh, we just found out last March 2 and I think we're two weeks pregnant." Yes, complete with the date!



The first time we met Dr.AZ, we immediately felt at ease with her. She's soft-spoken, helpful, and pretty too! The first thing she did was to confirm our pregnancy.

It was the first time I've had an ultrasound for the sole purpose of confirming a pregnancy and the entire experience was surreal. It felt like a scene in a movie wherein the expecting couple looks at the ultrasound screen and sees their baby moving, complete with a nice OST and tears of joy.

I felt exactly the same way, but we didn't see you yet. Dr.AZ showed us a small black hole in my tummy where you're supposed to be. Next to you was another small black hole.

Dr.AZ said it's a small tumor but it normally goes away as the pregnancy progresses, and it did go away eventually. That's how it was in reality, but in my head, my stomach is already as big as a watermelon and you're already kicking and doing Assassin's Creed-like parkour moves inside my tummy. Okay, I hallucinated a bit.

Dr.AZ said that we're already over a month pregnant. Hahaha, I felt stupid because I told the nurse that we were 2 weeks pregnant. And she was standing right there inside the office because she's Dr.AZ's assistant. She probably mouthed, "Hmph, amateurs," hahahaha.

I also felt guilty because just last week, SC, me, your Uncle Onin, and Uncle Rogel from Singapore partied in Bukit Bintang. I drank beer, vodka, and smoked shisha.

We called it our Latino Night because we also went samba dancing (or at least that's what it was supposed to be called) at some bar in Bukit Bintang until the Polis (Malaysian police) came and ruined the party vibe. Boo. We thought it was a random booze check but we weren't really sure because there were Polis all around the area.

That means we're already one month pregnant and I'm still samba dancing, drinking, and shisha-ing in full party mode. Cool, huh? Yes, the purpose of this blog is to prove to you that your parents are cool!

Back to the first prenatal checkup.

There were so many forms we needed to fill out! I remember asking the nurse what I should put in the "Mother's Name" part. I mean, I just wanted to make sure if it's supposed to be my Mother's Maiden Name (because you'll spend the rest of your life using your Mother's Maiden Name in many formal documents).

How was I supposed to know that I needed to put my name in there because the form is actually for you? SC laughed. I laughed. The nurse laughed. So that was the day I officially entered the Mother demographic and all these baby and mama brands in Malaysia started bombarding me with emailers.

I have officially entered the point of no return - the Mothers demographic.

But it has its perks! Dr.AZ gave us a pregnancy kit---okay, it's just a folder with some brochures and a small book about how to take care of babies but hey, free stuff! She also gave us some folic acid and some maternity milk (we started calling it Mama Milk) to take.

Your first appointment card.

So that's how your first prenatal checkup went.

A few years ago, I thought my maternal instincts wouldn't start kicking in until maybe I'm in my late 30s. Honestly, I thought I wouldn't want children. Heck, I once thought I didn't want marriage, especially the responsibilities that come with it.

It took me a really loooooong time to wrap my head around the married life part. I once thought I didn't want to be the "other half" of someone. I wanted to be my own whole self. To each his own, but I have learned that with the right person---someone who treats you as an equal---you will never feel like a "half."

And soon, you'll realize why I often call myself SC's strongest ally and secret weapon (release the KRAKEN)!

So yeah, it took me a long time to feel married. But I didn't expect that a single ultrasound would jumpstart my maternal engine into full gear. You know, like how you jump start a car when the batteries are dead. It felt that way somehow. Like the thought of having a developing human being inside my tummy revved my Mommy Engine into action.

This is your first selfie photo at 4 weeks. :)

As I write this, we're already 13 weeks pregnant. I don't feel like a mommy yet. They say a mother is born when the baby is born. We still have a long way to go. But since that day, during your first prenatal checkup, I felt that something changed. Like I said, I have officially entered the point of no return. Let's see if you drive me crazy when you finally arrive.

They say that the boobs get bigger when you get pregnant....

...SC completely agrees and approves, hahaha! Very excited mommy-to-be!

P.S. I asked SC if he felt the paternal strings tug when he saw the ultrasound. He said "not really." Argh, men! He said maybe when my tummy is big already or when I'm already in labor that he'll feel like a daddy already. I can't wait for that day.

Peanut, your father can be a pain in the ass sometimes.

xoxo,









Update (as of March 29, 2018): Changed my codename from Queen Bitch (QB) to Tiger Mom (TM).