Dear Peanut

Dear Peanut,

So now, you’re out into the world. You were delivered via emergency caesarian section due to the shit that you have ingested while your mother was in labor. But at least everything is fine and you’re healthy in general.

It’s just everything we have planned for the pregnancy when completely south. We were hoping for a normal delivery without a hitch but it seems Murphy’s Law is strong in this case.

During the first night, it took some time before you were roomed-in with us since the medical staff was still making sure that everything was fine due to the shit-eating incident. Yes, you’re never going to hear the end of it, like, for all eternity.

You finally moved-in with us after 4 or 5 hours since ‘baby out’. Your mother was down and recuperating and really couldn’t do much. Guess who was left with the task of doing everything? Yeah, it was me.

Generally, it was fine as it was just mainly the simple tasks and chores like buying stuff, checking with doctors and nurses, and signing documents.  That was during the day but night time was a different story since I was in charge of two persons.

I really don’t have any experience in taking care of children. Even way back when someone I know has babies. I don’t really try to touch and carry them since I’m afraid that I might accidentally hurt them. That or the parents just don’t want me to touch their babies.

Anyway, with you, on the other hand, I really don’t have much choice. When you cry during the night at the hospital, I had to carry you in my arms and you were so tiny then. Almost just as big as my forearm.  I need to rock you to sleep.  I was scared at first but I quickly got the hang of it and as your mother said, I’m the real postnatal MVP.

Damn straight, I am. Welcome to fatherhood Commander.

Regards,

Dear Peanut,

As you turned, officially, 6-week-old today, I want to share with you a photo of the medical team who did our stat CS operation last November 2, 2017.

When we were pregnant, we received A LOT of advice—both solicited and unsolicited. We listened to most of them but there were also some we dismissed almost immediately.

Back in Malaysia, I remember how I Google-d the shit out of everything the moment we found out about you. We didn’t know a thing. So we wanted to be prepared for our first prenatal checkup.

I remember how I would have a long list of questions for our first OB-GYN, Dra.AZ, and how she would often find my “praning” questions funny. She was very patient with me and we liked her. But I also felt that since she’s Malaysian and we’re Filipinos, there was this sense of “disconnection” because she couldn’t relate to the things we were concerned about—like if I could color my hair during my pregnancy.

So that led me to Google a lot, instead, and ask my “mommy friends.”

When we went back to Manila and met our Filipino OB-GYN for the first time, I was also prepared with a list of questions. Dra.JMF answered them all but I sensed that she saw through my “ka-praningan” and found my real problem. I research a lot that I often end up scaring myself to the point of stressing myself out. And you know what, she gave me one of the best advice we were given: Stop reading mommy blog and forums. If you have questions, ask your doctor.

As a writer, researching is part of what I do, and probably who I am. When Dra.JMF pointed out my problem, I realized that I was depriving myself of the joys of pregnancy because of my fears. Mommy blogs, forums, and many related websites tend to contradict one another that you can get stuck in the middle—paralyzed and more confused than ever. What you need to do is to find good doctors and trust them.

I’d like to dedicate this blog post to the amazing doctors who took care of us when we gave birth to you. It was such an amazing experience! :) And we will forever be grateful for the generosity they extended to us.

XOXO,

Update (as of March 29, 2018): Changed my codename from Queen Bitch (QB) to Tiger Mom (TM).

Dear Peanut,

For someone who had never been admitted to a hospital before (thank God!), being told that you’re about to undergo an operation should have been scary.

But all I felt that time was excitement because it meant I would get to see you very, very soon!

The epidural probably helped as well. Dr.VRO explained to me that I would be given an epidural for the C-section and I wouldn’t feel anything. She assured me that it would be painless and it was.

I remember clearly that some sort of FM radio station (or maybe it was a Spotify playlist) was playing in the background when they wheeled me into the delivery room. I recognized Dr.ANC immediately when I arrived. And then there’s Dr.JMF in her orange suit who asked me if I know Dr.ANC and I said yes, I met him at her clinic a few weeks ago and introduced myself.

I felt another welcoming shiver down my spine (the epidural) before the operation started. I remember clearly that Dr.VRO was holding my head the entire time. I was strapped down on the operating bed but I could feel my arms shivering, not from the cold. The shivers were involuntary movements as a result of the anesthesia. They gave me a warming blanket, even though I wasn’t really cold, it sort of helped.

I didn’t watch any C-section YouTube videos prior to giving birth. Okay, so I watched only one birthing video—a normal, vaginal delivery, but nothing about C-section.

I like to research but not researching about C-section was probably the best thing I did. I had no nightmarish visuals to scare me. It happened so fast.

I remember Dr.JMF and Dr.ANC chatting with the medical team throughout the operation. Every now and then, they would talk to me and I would respond as if my stomach wasn’t open.

If I wasn’t the one being operated on, it was almost as if everyone was just having coffee and scones at a coffee shop. The mood was just so light that Dr.ANC even brought up the Advil thing (that’s for another entry) and I even laughed at my #pregnancybrain moment. I don’t think the Advil joke would die down, hahaha.

I also remember that Dr.ANC commented on how strong my muscles were contracting and Dr.JMF said that your father and I were weightlifters. Hurray for fitness, but my muscle tone was one of the reasons why you wouldn’t go down in the first time and why the Evening Primrose Oil didn’t work on me.

Soon, Dr.JMF gave the go signal for your father to enter the delivery room and then we heard you cry for the first time. “May baby na kayo,” I remember Dr.JMF said.


After what felt like half a minute, they brought you to my face and I saw you for the first time. The first thing I noticed was your full head of hair! Anak ka nga ng tatay mo, hehe.



My arms were shaking heavily from the anesthesia. SC thought the table was shaking and not me. After a few more minutes of listening in to the chika in the delivery room, they told me it was over.

They wheeled me into the delivery room where I spent 2-3 hooked up on machines. Every now and then, a lactation nurse would visit and help you try to latch on me (the first one was in the delivery room).

Unang Yakap. :) They're teaching us the proper way to latch.

After 3 hours, they wheeled me to our room where your #LolaMommy, #LolaMama, #LoloDaddy, and SC were waiting. Soon, your AuntieAnne and AuntieDing would arrive with flowers, and UncleP would call from his internship.



It would be a few hours before you would be roomed-in with me. But wow, a mother, a father, and a son were born on November 2, 2017 at exactly 4:55pm.

[QB] My Birthing Story Part 1
[QB] My Birthing Story Part 2

XOXO,

Update (as of March 29, 2018): Changed my codename from Queen Bitch (QB) to Tiger Mom (TM).

Dear Peanut,

Today, you are officially 1 week and 1 day old.

A few hours ago, I was checking some of the files we took to the hospital and I chanced upon the 1-page Birth Certificate cheat sheet we prepared for you. It’s basically a document that contains the necessary information we need for your birth certificate. I saw your name and I told your father, "Wow, imagine, just last week, this whole new person didn’t exist yet. And we made this person!"

So while you’re sleeping behind me in your porta-bed, let me go back in time and tell you about how you came out into the world. This is my birthing story from my point of view. I want to write it now while everything—the excitement, they mayhem, the relief—is still fresh in my mind. SC will write a separate one.

November 2, 2017

I woke up around 5am with strong, persistent contractions. Actually, I’ve been feeling those contractions for several days but usually only in the wee hours of the morning.

They feel like dysmenorrhea from hell, which isn’t new to me. I have very high tolerance for pain, so I usually just let them pass. But since we were already past your due date (October 31, 2017), SC and I started to time these contractions using an app.

Your father was supposed to go to work that morning since your LolaMommy will be staying with me at home. During our last prenatal checkup, Dr.JMF said my cervix was still closed. The results of your Fetal Non-Stress Test (NST) and Biophysical Profile Score (BPS) came out great. So, the only thing we really had to do was wait for labor contractions to start. That was why in the last few days of October 2017, we’ve been to several SM malls and walked around BGC to help induce labor.

But I felt something different that day. I felt like this might be The Day.

The strong contractions were 5 minutes apart, usually lasting 30 to 40 seconds. When your #LolaMommy arrived, I insisted that we go to TMC's pre-labor room (pre-LR) and have me checked. Chalk it up to the training and the mindset that we both developed from this multinational company we used to work for, your father and I already have plans A, B, and C laid out -- what to do, where to go, who to contact, etc... when labor finally starts. We kicked off with Plan A.

I had no idea how labor pain should feel. I mean, the “waves” I was having felt like heavy dysmenorrhea bouts that I asked Dr.JMF if I can take Advil (that’s for another entry, I swear, #pregnancybrain is real). We didn’t want to go to TMC and be told to go home first because we’re not in labor yet. But I figured, only a medical team can tell me if I was already halfway through it. And oh boy, were we surprised!

The internal exam showed that I was already at 5cm and nearly everyone told me (residents, nurses) that I must have a high tolerance for pain because some women, at this point, would be on epidural already. You need to be at 10cm to start “pushing” so that meant we were halfway through labor already. After getting prepped at the pre-LR, they wheeled me to the labor room where they hooked me up on the machines and then the waiting started.

But nearly everything we have prepared in our “birth plan” went the opposite way.

PEANUT WON’T COME OUT OF MY PEANUT!

To be continued…

XOXO,


Update (as of March 29, 2018): Changed my codename from Queen Bitch (QB) to Tiger Mom (TM).